I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
