i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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