Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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