The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
