just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
