Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
