Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
