Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
