so explain again why im purple
no
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
