i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
