best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
