just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
