i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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