Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
