If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm getting married
To pizza
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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