Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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