walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
