Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
