I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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