tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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