I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
