alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
