I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
