a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
