I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize