just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
