Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
