I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
