I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
