I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
