if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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