When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
