Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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