I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
