Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
