You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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