i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
