im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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