i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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