haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
