well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
