Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize