We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
40s are totally the cure
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
