I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
