Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
As shirtless as possible
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
