I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
