I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
