Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
