we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
