I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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