"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
