its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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