Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
