Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
