How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
