I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize