her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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