apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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