what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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