I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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