Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
