sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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